The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Randomize
