I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
