There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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