he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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