Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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