do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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