I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
