Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
