If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
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