Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
