please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
