guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
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