Welp...herpes.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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