this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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