i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
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