that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
