Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
