Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Why is there bacon in the couch?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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