Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
