i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
