I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You ruined the universe
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
