Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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