I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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