thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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