I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
