LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
