It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
