I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
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