isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
