I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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