I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Randomize
