guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
