Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
