i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
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