: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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