just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
We're too hungover to prance.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
