She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
