I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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