I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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