Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
