I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
