I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
