last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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