Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
