There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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