oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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