even my farts smell like vagina
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
