Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
