My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
how can u be prego again
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
