): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I think your dad took our porno
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
