Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
so explain again why im purple
no
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
