you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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