So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
