I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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