Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
