My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
